0_o A Moment Of Healing... In A Blog.

It’s the simplest question we ask, and yet it’s the one we never quite find a complete answer for- ‘why?’

Why, why, why, why?

I love curiosity. I find an inquisitive nature admirable in a person.

I find imagination admirable in a person.

I find the ability to just be admirable in a person.

I find the ability to wonder, think, be fascinated, admirable in a person.

And you know what?

I am that person.

I finally worked out what I like about me, and it's this;

I am awed by the world around me, the little, perfect moments in which life is just... beautiful.

I seek beauty in everything. The beauty in a frosted, misty morning, kookaburras laughing as I stumble on my way to the clothes dryer. The beauty in that single moment where you're sitting around talking to your friends, music playing quietly in the background, twilight lingering before it gives way to darkness and glistening, mysterious moonlight and star-studded sky. That moment where you truly appreciate the people around you, the world around you. Where every breath of air is wholesome and refreshing, and time slows.

I love that I'm always wondering about things, and that my mind is like this vast, varying landscape that I see no end to, for me to explore.

I guess that means that the beauty I see in myself, is that I see the beauty in the world.

That's enough for me. No more self-hate.

I am who I am. That's all I should be.

Also, Alice, you are a Silly Banana. But nobody in the entire world is a Magical Doom Wizard, no matter how nasty they are.

Meh.

I worry a lot. I mean, I worry a damn, awful lot.

I worry that I'm too full-on. Too passionate about everything in life. Too overzealous. Too predictable. Too clingy. Too suffocating. Too much to bear.

Then I worry that I'm not interesting enough. Not intelligent enough. Not beautiful enough. Not socially apt enough. Not a good enough friend. Not a good enough human being. Not good enough for anyone.

Farout, I still don't know if I like who I am. I hate so many of my traits, so many of my abilities and inabilities. It's so draining to spend life questioning whether I'm worth anyone's time. Questioning whether I'm even tolerable, let alone likeable.

And now I leave, to stop annoying you all.

Ciao.

Armageddon.

When I claim to be a Word Nerd, I do not just meant that I like using 'big words'. I am a poet and author in the making. To read some of my work, go to http://words-are-art.blogspot.com/

For those who appreciate the more visual side to art, I reccomend visiting http://mycallinginlife.blogspot.com/ this blog follows a few art projects of Scott's. His work is absolutely brilliant, so it's definitely worth the read. CLICK THE LINK!

Now, onto the purpose of this post, beyond endorsement.

To be completely frank, I'm utterly sick of hearing about cases of Swine Flu.

The only reason there have been so many deaths from the illness is that it is new to humans, our immune systems have never had to fight it before. When standard influenza was first introduced to humans, it would have had the same affect. The only threat poised by Swine Flue (H1F1 influenza) is if it mutates. This is not likely to happen. The second the ailment was discovered, the world cried "Pandemic". This is the same as the situation with Bird Flu, yet I see no one keeling over from that anymore. Apparently, it's no longer going to be the death of us. The media frenzy over Swine Flu and Bird Flu alike do no more than contribute to the heightened state of paranoia in the world. Eventually, if this trend continues, we'll see a typical 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' affect. Eventually, there really will be a pandemic, but the world will be too busy rolling its eyes to realise that it's for real this time.

Suck it up, people. Swine Flu is not going to bring Armageddon upon us all.

Exams.

Ah, the sweet constraints of stress and anxiety inflicted upon upper-secondary students by the ever-looming exams! For myself, and many other year eleven students in my school, exams start in... two days. A petrifying thought, particularly since I am doing six TEE (GSCE/HSE... whatever tehy call them, wherever you are) subjects.This, for Australia (or at least WA) is the maximum number of TEE subjects allowed. Due to the nature of Italian, I have to do two exams for that subject, one for speaking, and one for everything else. This means that in total, I have to complete seven exams. Two of which are sciences, three of which are based on language, both our own and foreign, one on media and then is the dreaded MATHEMATICS.

I am a Word Nerd, a verbose language person. I pick up other languages with relative speed and ease, and I excell in English and literature endeavours. I manage to be decent at biology, I'm doing okay, and certainly improving in chemistry. Media is a piece of proverbial cake... Maths, however...

For me, words simply...click. They fit into place. Just another cog in the works. Numbers.... numbers are more like spanners in the works. So it is for my maths exam that I fear. My average is set at about 66.6% thus far, and I'm fucking terrified that I'm going to fail. I would really rather not.

So this, another milestone, another chapter in my life, is causing considerable stress, though, as I did with the graduation of primary school, I will likely look back on this and roll my eyes, believing that it was so silly of me to be anxious.

On a lighter note...

Ice skating.

A friend of mine has invited me to go ice skating for her sixteenth birthday. I've never been ice skating before, but I hear that it is...painful for the uncoordinated. I am the epitome of uncoordinated. I trip over my feet, fall up and down stairs, walk into trees, walls and doorframes in plain sight...

I think, that at the very least, people will get a good laugh out of me with a pair of ice skates on.

It should be fun. I look forward to it. Though I may be cursing Stephanie when I leave the rink with a bruised ass.

Emo Friends And The Benz

I am painfully aware, at the moment, that I am up to my eyeballs in 'emo' friends. Friends who have no real or major problems in the present, and cannot seem to let go of their pasts. I mean, I have had a pretty shithouse past, major by most standards. Sure, it took me a while, but I got over it. Now I wonder why my friends cannot do the same. There is so much good going on in their lives at the moment, with the exception of perhaps the dreaded exams. The problem is, the more these people are senselessly, needlessly miserable, the more it rubs off on those around them. Melancholy, I have decided, is like a pathogen. It spreads and multiplies, infecting everyone. Think of misery as... as... swine flu. Do the world a favour, if you've a confirmed case of misery, quarantine yourself!!!! We don't want your icky, dirty emo germs. We want your clean, vibrant happy germs. Joy also has a pathogen-like nature, but as far as diseases are concerned, I much prefer the smiley one to the misery one.

So, if you are a victim of this disease (either swine flu or emo-ness), do us all a favour and quarantine yourself.






...also... I defeated my little brother in UpWords using the word 'benz' :D




Ciao, peeps.

I Am.

I am...
I am the figure
Embraced by night.
I am the creature,
That bringer of fright.
I am the eyes
Of the accused.
I am the soul
Of the abused.

I am...
I am the demon
That lays in wait,
Never shifting,
Yet swayed by fate.
I am the girl
That's locked inside,
The little child
With ancient eyes.

I am...
I am the one
Locked in the room.
Wrapped in darkness,
Befriending gloom.
I am the soul
Who will stand;
Stay stonger than
I ever planned.

I am...
I am the woman-
Though not yet...
The one to place
The final bet.
I am the youth,
So downtrod,
Who will defy
All the odds.

I am...
I am alive.
I am...

Sobbing and Schooling

So, here I am half an hour after getting home from school. Instead of eating and arguing with my brothers as I usually do in the half an hour after I get home from school, I've been in my room crying. Note that it takes an awful lot to make me cry. Yet here I am, typing away at my laptop, tears still flowing. I suppose I should explain. I am in year eleven. A TEE student. 6 TEE subjects. I'm a 'nerd'. I have a small group of close friends, I don't party, or drink, and I'm highly unpopular. I always have been. I've always been bullied, but now it has gone too far. Today, I was sitting on the bus next to my friend, Tom. Across from my little brother, Connor. Just as I do every single day. Then, contrary to usual, I was approached by three girls who usually remain at the back of the bus... away from me. One is a year 10, the other two were year 9s. These girls greeted me with the words;
"Oh, my god... is it true?" now, as you may assume, I was pretty fucking baffled by this. Somewhere in the works of jumbled words and accusations, they explained that somebody had written rumours about me on the walls of the girl's toilets. They claimed that rumours of me had been going around year nine. The validity of the other is questionable, since no year nines, with the exception of those two girls and my little brother, know me. However, the former is plausible, since girls make a regular habit of writing malicious lies on walls about each other. I think it's cowardly. Anyway, according to these three... questionable sources... the alleged writings claimed that I was...

There's no pretty euphemism for it...

And it really makes my stomach churn. It's disgusting...

Gah... Claimed that I was nothing short of a prostitute.



Personally, I find such things... vile beyond words. It quite literally sickens me to hear it. Makes me feel physically sick. I am notorious for my distaste and outright hatred of such things, so I wonder why anyone would believe I'd partake of such... filth.


All I can say is that the thought of me being accused of.. of... that sickens and depresses me. Angers me... has resulted in me crying for what is now 45 minutes. I swear, I am so fed up with school, with bitchy girls and petty lies. I'm sick of people constantly teasing me, constantly calling me names- "ugly, bitch, freak..." and to add rumours to this... it's completely shattering. Particularly when those rumours are so despicable....



And to think that after all that, those girls would have the gall to approach me and ask me "What's wrong?" when they see me so close to tears?!?!?!?!


I FUCKING HATE HIGH SCHOOL!