Emo Friends And The Benz

I am painfully aware, at the moment, that I am up to my eyeballs in 'emo' friends. Friends who have no real or major problems in the present, and cannot seem to let go of their pasts. I mean, I have had a pretty shithouse past, major by most standards. Sure, it took me a while, but I got over it. Now I wonder why my friends cannot do the same. There is so much good going on in their lives at the moment, with the exception of perhaps the dreaded exams. The problem is, the more these people are senselessly, needlessly miserable, the more it rubs off on those around them. Melancholy, I have decided, is like a pathogen. It spreads and multiplies, infecting everyone. Think of misery as... as... swine flu. Do the world a favour, if you've a confirmed case of misery, quarantine yourself!!!! We don't want your icky, dirty emo germs. We want your clean, vibrant happy germs. Joy also has a pathogen-like nature, but as far as diseases are concerned, I much prefer the smiley one to the misery one.

So, if you are a victim of this disease (either swine flu or emo-ness), do us all a favour and quarantine yourself.






...also... I defeated my little brother in UpWords using the word 'benz' :D




Ciao, peeps.

I Am.

I am...
I am the figure
Embraced by night.
I am the creature,
That bringer of fright.
I am the eyes
Of the accused.
I am the soul
Of the abused.

I am...
I am the demon
That lays in wait,
Never shifting,
Yet swayed by fate.
I am the girl
That's locked inside,
The little child
With ancient eyes.

I am...
I am the one
Locked in the room.
Wrapped in darkness,
Befriending gloom.
I am the soul
Who will stand;
Stay stonger than
I ever planned.

I am...
I am the woman-
Though not yet...
The one to place
The final bet.
I am the youth,
So downtrod,
Who will defy
All the odds.

I am...
I am alive.
I am...

Sobbing and Schooling

So, here I am half an hour after getting home from school. Instead of eating and arguing with my brothers as I usually do in the half an hour after I get home from school, I've been in my room crying. Note that it takes an awful lot to make me cry. Yet here I am, typing away at my laptop, tears still flowing. I suppose I should explain. I am in year eleven. A TEE student. 6 TEE subjects. I'm a 'nerd'. I have a small group of close friends, I don't party, or drink, and I'm highly unpopular. I always have been. I've always been bullied, but now it has gone too far. Today, I was sitting on the bus next to my friend, Tom. Across from my little brother, Connor. Just as I do every single day. Then, contrary to usual, I was approached by three girls who usually remain at the back of the bus... away from me. One is a year 10, the other two were year 9s. These girls greeted me with the words;
"Oh, my god... is it true?" now, as you may assume, I was pretty fucking baffled by this. Somewhere in the works of jumbled words and accusations, they explained that somebody had written rumours about me on the walls of the girl's toilets. They claimed that rumours of me had been going around year nine. The validity of the other is questionable, since no year nines, with the exception of those two girls and my little brother, know me. However, the former is plausible, since girls make a regular habit of writing malicious lies on walls about each other. I think it's cowardly. Anyway, according to these three... questionable sources... the alleged writings claimed that I was...

There's no pretty euphemism for it...

And it really makes my stomach churn. It's disgusting...

Gah... Claimed that I was nothing short of a prostitute.



Personally, I find such things... vile beyond words. It quite literally sickens me to hear it. Makes me feel physically sick. I am notorious for my distaste and outright hatred of such things, so I wonder why anyone would believe I'd partake of such... filth.


All I can say is that the thought of me being accused of.. of... that sickens and depresses me. Angers me... has resulted in me crying for what is now 45 minutes. I swear, I am so fed up with school, with bitchy girls and petty lies. I'm sick of people constantly teasing me, constantly calling me names- "ugly, bitch, freak..." and to add rumours to this... it's completely shattering. Particularly when those rumours are so despicable....



And to think that after all that, those girls would have the gall to approach me and ask me "What's wrong?" when they see me so close to tears?!?!?!?!


I FUCKING HATE HIGH SCHOOL!

Quiz

I'm bored, so I decided to do a quiz that I copied from Scott's blog. [LOL]
Booooooooooooooooooored. Hmm... See whatcha think.

Do you want a boyfriend / girlfriend?
--I have a boyfriend. An incredible, brilliant, handsome, amazing boyfriend who I wouldn't trade for the world.


How many texts are in your inbox?
--Ummmmmmmmm... 187... I can't be stuffed emptying it more often.



Have you ever kissed anyone in the past week?
--Not nearly enough, but yes.



What can you say about the first girl on your top?
--Legend.



What about first boy?
--I love him. Simple as that.



Would it hurt seeing someone make out with the last person you kissed?
--I can't think of anything that woud hurt me more.



Your ex calls you to hang out what do you say?
--"I'd rather swallow nails."


Last person you gave a hug to (not family)?
--Scott. :D



What do you hear right now?
--Nothing. :) About time I got some peace!



Where's your phone right now?
--Beside me.



How are you feeling?
--Headachey. Bored. Suspiscious (I just heard my mum and my aunty gossiping about me)



Do you think anyone stalks you?
--Pah, no. I'm hardly fascinating.



You're trapped in a room with your ex for 3 days, what do you do?
--Maim him to the point that he can't stab me, and then glare lots and compose violent, hateful poetry.



Have you seen anyone you knew and purposely avoided them?
--Yes. They are called enemies... and annoying people.



Do you say sorry first?
--I say sorry waaaaay too often. For things which do not require an apology... Like hating my laugh. Lol.



Think of the last time you were REALLY angry when was it?
--Today, when my brothers hit me on the head with remotes.



Name something you are doing tonight?
--Talking to Scott on msn, and wishing I could be talking to him in person.



Is there someone you can't stop thinking about?
--I rarely stop thinking about Scott. <3<3<3



Will tomorrow be better than today?
--I sure as hell hope it is.



What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?
--My lip.



Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
--There isn't a shadow of a doubt in my mind.



Is a best friend or ex pissing you off at the moment?
--Not really, no.



Who are all of your texts from?
--The great majority are from Scott.



Anybody on your top friends ever admitted to liking you?
--Thankfully, yes.



Do you trust all your friends?
--Most of them... usually.



When is the next time you'll see the second person on your top?
--Sad face... not for a while. She's in England!



Do you think you've changed over the past year?
--I have changed shitloads. For the better.



Will your next kiss be a mistake?
--BLOODY HELL NO! Hopefully, it just won't be cut too short. Curse the presence of other human beings!



What kind of music annoys you most?
--Bubblegum-pop, hip-hop, rap, and really bad country songs about people who pat your dog.



Do you like peanut butter?
--That depends. Right now, I'm kinda over it. Check back next week.



Who owns the last two cars you rode in?
--My parents.



Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
--Being friendly and helpful to strangers is what I do for a living, so no.



Are you taller than your mom?
--I was taller than my mum in year 6.



Do you get butterflies around the person you like?
--Oh, god... the butterflies... so many butterflies... and tingles... and hyperventilation... and increased heartrate... gah...



Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
--Scott or Kirsten.



Do you plan on moving out next year?
I bloody well WISH.



Where did your last hug take place?
--At home. Saying hello to my Aunty.



Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past month?
--Yes, but not nearly enough.



Who's the last guy you spoke to?
--*smiles lovestruckenly* Scott.



Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
--Kirsten, and Scott.



Is this year the best year of your life?
--By FAR.



Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy/girl?
--It would have been a waste of time to tell that person my name, so yeah.



Could you ever be friends again with someone that broke your heart?
--No, I really don't think I could.



Are your eyes the same color as your mum's or dad's?
--Well... you could say my dad's, since both our eyes are blue, but I don't know anyone with eyes my colour.



Do you find guys/ girls with facial piercings attractive?
--Not particularly. Depends, really. I mean, if it suits the person, then sure... I suppose?



Does the person you want most right now know that you want them?
--Nope. But want him, I do.



Have you ever gotten in a fight with someone, and never made up?
--Often.



Do you think age matters in relationships?
--That depends.



Have you ever taken a non-sexual shower with a member of the same sex?
--Uh, NO! Why the fuck would I do that?



How do you vent your anger?
--Swearing loudly, verbally abusing my brothers, writing angry poetry/violent scenes in stories, pacing and hurting myself. [Unintentionally]



Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn’t feel it?
--No. I really couldn't.



Do you keep your relationship status to your self?
--Nope. Otherwise everyone would think I was on drugs... or delirous... or had been taken by aliens... How else would I explain going from depressed to happy?



Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with?
--There aren't many people in the world I do hate.



Have you ever blocked someone on myspace?
--Not yet. I'm new. :P



What is the connection between the last person who called you?
--I can't remember... people don't really call me that often... OH! I think it was Kirsten, cause she's my 'sister from another mister' and she needed to chat.



Are you looking forward to anything?
--School on monday. Learning to drive. Graduating. Moving out of home. Having an actual life.



Are your parents divorced?
--Nope. 18 years of marriage and they're still happy.



Are you drifting apart from someone?
--I hope not.



What were you doing at 10am?
--Sleeping! Which makes me very happy.



What are you listening to at the moment?
--Okay, already had this question, except now the answer is "My annoying fucking brothers in the next room"



Who did you last recieve a myspace message from?
--Scott.



Who's your top friend?
--You mean who's my best friend? Kirsten.



Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
--I can last in a lifelong relationship without even CONSIDERING cheating. So yeah.



Think of the last person who said I love you that wasnt family, what did you say?
--"I love you too, babe"? I think...



What type of day are you having?
--A crappy one.



Who was the last person you took a picture with?
--Dunno... Probably Scott. I don't like photos.



Are you in a good mood?
--I'm in a lonely mood.






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Okay... Now I'm not bored. But I am lonely. *sigh*....


Ciao, people. Thanks for tuning into my undoubtedbly boring expose` of... myself...

Rant

While I don't consider myself a particularly spectacular person, I no longer hold the belief that I am unworthy of life. So, as a result I am here to ask why people insist on forcing those who refuse to conform below them. Now, please don't allow my use of the word 'conform' to pain me as 'emo'. For starters, it is a tragedy that such a word has come to be associated with one social archetype alone. Secondly, I do not possess any stereotypically 'emo' traits, and thirdly, I hate labels. Why must we categorise human beings, the most complex beings known to us, into oversimplified boxes? Yes, I am saying that human beings are the most complex creatures on Earth. This is scientifically proven due to bilaterally symmetrical encephalisation (the increase of brain size and complexity within a species over evolutionary time). However, complexity is not paralell with superiority. I do not believe humans are above any other organism. Including species from the families Protista, Fungi and Plantae. Seriously, people. We are not the only species capable of sentient thought, and even if we were, how does self-awareness make us any better than an amoeba? Certainly, an amoeba doesn't think, doesn't know it's alive... yeah... it pretty much just exists, as was stated in a conversation with Scott today. However, an amoeba cannot mourn this lack of though, as it would require an awareness of loss which it simply does not have. I cannot say that this unawareness would make the amoeba any happier than a human, since, being a single-celled organism, it has no brain and thus no emotion, it does not feel happiness. Nevertheless, I cannot say that its position on the planet is any less important than our own. Remove the amoeba from the environment and the entire ecosystem collapses. This is how the world works. Take out the bottom brick and the whole wall falls down. Just like the amoeba, we are a brick in the wall of life. No more significant, no more important. Yet, humanity continually places itself above every other known, and every unknown species in existance. Many people (those with strong religious beliefs are hereby excluded from the following insult) are arrogant enough to state that ours is the only planet in the universe to sustain life. Really, now. Let us be intelligent. Earth sustains life because its proximity to the sun allows for water (a polar covalent substance) to be present in its liquid form. Look up into the sky at night. The countless stars you see there are but a fraction of our galaxy alone. Take into account the rest of the galaxy, the countless other galaxies, and the potential for alternate universes, and then you have an inconceivable number of stars. Stars are suns. Around each of those infinite other suns, there are several planets in orbit. Also take into account the potential for water to be replaced with a different polar covalent substance, and the potential for organisms based on substances other than carbon (silicon, for example). Now tell me that there is no way there are countless other planets sustaining life. I dare you.




My rant is complete.


Thankyou and goodnight.

See, This Is Why I Don't Like Filling Out "About Me" Boxes...

Would somebody kindly inform me as to why I am so... weird? Such a... freak? I mean...

... My own mind is a mystery to me, being a place in which I can get lost. I speak formally, but live in jeans, tanks, tees and whatever's comfy. My diction goes from formal and with full use of my extensive lexicon to australian slang and making up words. I write poetry and prose, I'm a bitch but I care. I don't think before I speak but I always speak my thoughts. I'm a music nerd to the core, but I can't play an instrument. I'm a hypocrite but admit my flaws. I'm confident but have no self esteem, and at the end of the day, my mind works in ways that are nothing short of weird, baffling, and...abnormal.



I don't know...





I really don't know...